I think we all can agree that this Christmas has been like no other. Well today, as I reminisce, I feel extremely bummed out (pun intended), for we have certainly had one “crappy” Christmas. 💩💩
Anyone who follows me on Facebook will already have read this section of the story, along with my poor history of hoover usage and maintenance.
It all began on the eve of the 23rd. Pup started throwing up at 11:30pm. At first I hadn’t realised he’d been sick. He was in the toilet doing a pee but whimpering and refusing to wash his hands. As I got closer, I caught a whiff of something. At that point I noticed that he had somehow thrown up down the inside of his top. Honestly, no clue how he did that and why is it always carrots? Even when he hasn’t even eaten carrots! DIY Daddy suggested he’d had corned beef pasta for lunch. To be honest, I don’t know what he ate for lunch as it was his last day in nursery, but it didn’t look appealing when it came back up.
As I checked his room, I discovered that he had also sprayed his teddies, bed and floor, yet the outside of his clothes were clean. That boy has a talent. Thankfully, DIY Daddy to the rescue! Honestly, thank god he is currently parent here, not parent there. This wasn’t quite one “crappy” Christmas yet, but just you wait. There is more to come.
After a sleepless night in with me (DIY Daddy relocated to the sofa), Christmas Eve arrived. We both needed 2 cans of monster to get us through the day; he had been kept awake by our newest addition to the family, Charlie the Hamster.
After attacking the house with disinfectant and, tackling the food and the presents, we were finally ready for Santa.
I am always ashamed of Santa visiting a dirty house. It’s the same at New Year and Easter. Why do we have to welcome Santa, the Easter Bunny and the New Year with a clean house? At least you can justify New Year as new beginnings; continue as you plan to go on but really, Santa, the Easter Bunny? Maybe part of me still wants to keep the magic alive for myself; the child in me still believes. Somehow, I really don’t think the boys care about the state of the house.
Christmas Eve Festivities
Due to extreme tiredness and the mass amount of laundry that resulted from the pukey Pup, we weren’t able to fit in as much of the usual Christmas Eve festivities. Christmas cookies were put on hold. We did manage to watch several Christmas movies, although for the life of me don’t ask me what they were. That day is an absolute blur. I was running purely on sugar and adrenaline.
Normally, once the boys are in bed, Christmas Eve consists of present wrapping, plenty of fizz and Die Hard, obviously. This year, Die Hard took a vacation. We managed to make it through the present part of the evening then I took myself off to bed. All the cans of Monster may have played a part in what was to come, though in truth, we don’t actually know the exact cause. It is all hypothetical musings.
Christmas Day was actually a really good day; it definitely threw us off guard and gave us a false sense of security. We planned on splitting gifts between the 25th and 26th Dec as the boys got given so much. There was too much to open all in one day and we wanted to play and have as much fun as possible, especially since there was a slight sadness in the air at not seeing other family members. I greatly missed my sister and her lot. Although we did speak throughout the day, there was no time for Zoom calls.
We did however see both sets of grandparents. DIY Daddy’s mum and partner, Graham, arrived for dinner and my parents swung by afterwards for a wee 20 mins. There was a lot of food consumed and well, his mum and I hit the Prosecco, the Rose and the Baileys. Yep, this could also have been another contributing factor.
A Psychic Hamster
All in, it was a fantastic day, not quite like our usual Christmas’s but still up there with the best of them. Later on, Charlie came out to play and we introduced him to his grandparents. This could also have been a pre-requisite for what was to come as he proceeded to poo all over poor Graham. Ooh maybe he was having a premonition. Maybe I’m losing the plot now that I’ve classed my hamster as having psychic abilities. This is what the madness of this year has done to me.
Anyways, I digress. There was a lot of hilarity across the full day, which is very normal in a household of boys. Finally, we parted ways and all went to bed with full bellies, happy and contented.
At this point we certainly didn’t think it had been one “crappy” Christmas. Then it all went wrong…
Boxing Day had arrived. Christmas was officially over but, like all other Boxing Day’s before it, you look forward to more booze, chocolate, sweets, crisps and, best of all, Christmas dinner leftovers.
As I lay in my bed, thinking of all the fun things we still had to do today, including the remainder of the presents, little did I know that I’d shortly be up shit creek without a paddle.
Getting up, I needed a cup of tea, as always. It was then that I started to feel a bit woozy. The pain started and then I had to make a dash for the bathroom. Yup, without going into too much detail, this was definitely not a pleasant experience. The rest of the day was like that. Honestly, I have never experienced anything like it before. This is when I realised that it was starting to be one “crappy” Christmas.
It reminds me of that scene in Bridesmaids, you know the one 💩 , but it happened over and over, even multiple times within each hour, except I didn’t 💩 in the street. The only thing for it was to go back to bed, where I stayed until the 27th. That was the safest place for me. At least when I was horizontal, gravity came into motion and eased some of the pressure. Thankfully, we did manage to get the boys to open the rest of their presents in between the bathroom breaks.
Unknown to me, DIY Daddy was experiencing the same. He didn’t tell me until the next day as he knew I wouldn’t have gone back to bed. Normally I’d battle through, the result being that the “bug” would last longer. However, because I went to bed, by the 27th I was almost back to normal. He on the other hand wasn’t. His mum was also experiencing the same illness. This led us to realise that it was not just a “bug”.
We came to the conclusion that the culprit was the pouring cream; hypothetical really. DIY Daddy doesn’t drink, so it couldn’t have been the alcohol, not that that helped the situation. The boys and Graham had the same meal as the rest of us, but they had scooshy cream instead of the Elmlea. It also could have been Pup’s bug but we didn’t experience sickness and his Gran got ill too. So by our calculations, the only thing left was the Elmlea. So yes, we 3 poisoned ourselves, gave ourselves the shits and this resulted in one “crappy” Christmas.